THE REAL PHIL DAVIS
Lyrics

by Jeffry Denman and Erin Crouch

MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE?
MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE?
WILL THE REAL PHIL DAVIS PLEASE STAND UP?
I REPEAT, WILL THE REAL PHIL DAVIS PLEASE STAND UP?
WE'RE GONNA HAVE A PROBLEM HERE

Y'ALL ACT LIKE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A SONG N' DANCE MAN BEFORE
JAWS ALL ON THE FLOOR, LIKE TALL HUGH JACKMAN
JUST BURST THRU THE DOOR
PETER ALLEN SHAKIN HIS HIPS WORSE THAN BEFORE
THAT AIN'T A SONG N' DANCE MAN, THAT'S A MOVIE STAR/STAGE WHORE

AH WAIT NO WAY, YOU'RE KIDDING
HE DIDN'T JUST SAY WHAT I THINK HE DID, DID HE?

GET READY. AIN'T NO CHORUS BOY, MORE IN COMMON WITH FITTY
SING MY DITTY
BRINGING WHITE CHRISTMAS TO BOSTON CITY

THE WOMEN LOVE SONG N' DANCE MEN (FRICKA FRICKA FRICKA)
GENE KELLY, NOBODY SICK OF HIM LOOK AT HIM
DANCIN AROUND HE'S LIKE MY IDOL. LIKE FRED ASTAIRE
THESE GANGSTERS ROCK, THEY WON THE TITLE

YEAH I PROBABLY GOT A COUPLE OF SCREWS UP IN MY HEAD LOOSE
BUT NO WORSE THAN THE SCREWS ALL UP INSIDE MY TAP SHOES
I'M A SONG N' DANCE MAN WHO JUST WANTS TO LET LOOSE BUT CAN'T
CAUSE THEY DON'T WRITE THE SHOWS THE WAY THEY USED.

"YOU ONLY HAVE TO SING, YOU ONLY HAVE TO SING"
AT WICKED, RENT AND PHANTOM OKAY/THAT MAY BE THE THING
AND THAT'S THE MESSAGE THAT WE DELIVER TO LITTLE KIDS
SO THEY'RE NEVER DISCOVERING WHAT A REAL PERFORMER IS

WE GOTTA TELL 'EM WHAT A TRIPLE THREAT IS
THEIR WET EARS HAVE NO EXPERIENCE
GOTTA GIVE THEIR LITTLE BRAINS A RINSE
THAT'S WHY THEY OUGHTA COME TO BOSTON
I’M NOT TALKING PHILLY, DETROIT, SEATTLE, NEW YORK CITY OR EVEN AUSTIN
NONE OF THOSE CITIES GOT WHAT WE GOT HERE: WHITE CHRISTMAS DONE THE OLD SCHOOL WAY, IS IT BECOMING CLEAR?
SO IF YOU FEEL LIKE I FEEL, I GOT THE ANTIDOTE
LADIES, FIX YOUR PANTYHOSE, SING THE CHORUS AND IT GOES!

CHORUS:

I'M PHIL DAVIS YES I'M THE REAL DAVIS
ALL YOU OTHER PHIL DAVIS’ ARE JUST IMITATORS
SO WON'T THE REAL PHIL DAVIS PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP, PLEASE STAND UP?

CAUSE, I'M PHIL DAVIS YES I'M THE REAL DAVIS
ALL YOU OTHER PHIL DAVIS' ARE JUST IMITATORS
SO WON'T THE REAL PHIL DAVIS PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP, PLEASE STAND UP?

WHAT'RE WE BRINGING THIS YEAR MORE THAN THE OTHERS?
NO SALLY STRUTHERS
"OH, THAT'S A DARN SHAME"
BUT HOW 'BOUT BRIAN D'ARCY JAMES WE GOT HIM RIGHT HERE
PLAYING THE BING ROLE WITH NOTHIN' TO FEAR THE VOICE IS CLEAR

PRETTY WITTY KERRY O'MALLEY'S ALL UP IN HERE TOO
ROSIE CLOONEY'D BE LUCKY TO SHARE SAME ROOM AS YOU
MEREDITH PATTERSON DAMN SHE'S GOT THE SHIT OUT
LOOK AT HER. SINGING AND DANCING THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING BOUT

WE DON'T NEED STUNT CASTING HERE WE'RE NOT THE WEISSLERS
WE GO ON TALENT OUR PERFORMANCES ARE PRICELESS
I'D LIKE TO SEE A HOLLYWOOD BRAT DO WHAT WE DO HERE
THEY'D RUN AWAY ALL AFRAID TAIL BETWEEN THEIR REAR

COME AND SEE SONG AND DANCE THE WAY WHITE CHRISTMAS DOES IT
I GUARANTEE YOU'LL BE HAPPY YOU DID MY COUSIN
ALL OF YOU PEOPLE WANT THE REAL DEAL
I KNOW YOU'RE ALL UPSET I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL
I'M CONFUSED TOO. I LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND SAY, LIKE WHO'S WHO?
IS THAT YOU? IS THAT ME?
IS THAT WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE?
NO. UH-UH. CAN'T BE. YOU LOST YOUR WAY G
THE ONE AND ONLY P.D. YOU NEVER LOST ME

AND THERE'S A MILLION SONG AND DANCE FOLK JUST LIKE ME
WHO SING LIKE ME AND DANCE LIKE ME
WHO DRESS LIKE ME, WALK TALK AND ACT LIKE ME
AND JUST MIGHT BE THE NEXT BEST THING BUT NOT QUITE ME

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIAN:

THE SONG AND DANCE MAN HERE WE GOT THE REAL ONE
HE'S NOT INTIMIDATED NO HE DOESN'T FEAR NONE
WE BRINGING HARD AND FAST IN BOSTON
YOU WANNA SEE IT REAL WELL YOU BETTER COME SON

A COPACETIC PERFORMANCE HIS SONG AND TAP DANCE
IF I'M A LIAR I'M WEARING FIERY UNDERPANTS
ALL YOU OTHER SHOWS OUT THERE ARE SIMPLY UNDERMANNED
YOU NEED THE REAL PHIL DAVIS THE ORIGINAL BRAND

LES MIZ DON'T NEED A TAP DANCE SONG TO GET APPLAUSE
WELL WE DO, SO F--K THEM AND F--K YOU TOO
YOU THINK WE GIVE A DAMN ABOUT A TONY?
(WELL ACTUALLY WE DO. IT’D BE AN HONOR JUST TO BE NOMINATED.)

WE DON'T GOTTA BE ON BROADWAY TO FEEL LIKE WE'RE THE SHIT
WE KNOW IT. RIGHT HERE, WHEREVER WE GET TO DO OUR LITTLE SKIT
WE BRING A HARDCORE CHRISTMAS MUSICAL TO TOWN
BRING THE TAPPING AND THE SINGING HELL THE WHOLE ROOF DOWN

EVER SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THE FIRST INNING I'VE BEEN NEVER SITTING ALWAYS COMMITTING TO MAKE PHIL DAVIS WINNING
FROM SAN FRANCISCO TO LOS ANGELES AND ST PAUL
I'VE BEEN THROUGH 'EM ALL WITH BOSTON READY TO FALL.

HERE COMES A LITTLE SHOUT OUT PRONTO
TO OUR BROTHERS NORTH OF THE BORDER CHILLIN UP IN TORONTO
THEY BRING IT HARD AND FAST LIKE WE DO
THIS SHOW'S A FRIGGIN CHRISTMAS GIFT WE GET TO GIVE TO YOU

AND THAT'S THE MANTRA THAT YOU HEAR FROM EVERYONE NEAR THIS SHOW
ALWAYS MAKING IT BETTER THAN THE YEAR BEFO
YOU BETTER SIT DOWN THE SNOW'S A-READY TO BLOW
ONE MORE TIME, LOUD AS YOU CAN, HOW DOES IT GO?!

REPEAT CHORUS 2X